Gender Disappointment

Gender disappointment is real and you’re not an asshole for feeling it.

Glad I got that off my chest.

In the age of social media and constantly seeing everyone’s best, polished and filtered moments, I think its important to remind everyone that we are all still human. Regardless of what facetune tries to tell us. We are going to have feelings both good and bad and are allowed to have them in any situation. Especially in pregnancy.

I am here to tell you when I found out our son was a boy I was disappointed. Guess what? THAT IS OKAY. I’m also here to tell you that I could never imagine being a girl mom now. I am not less of a mom for having a specific vision in my head. I am not a bad person because I was hoping to have a girl first. I just always pictured having a baby girl, I thought I would be more comfortable with a baby girl. Boy (no pun intended), I was wrong.

It’s normal to have an idea in your head, of how you want something to play out. You can dream up the perfect birth plan, the perfect nursery décor, the way you’re going to perfectly breastfeed for the first 12 months of your baby’s life and guess what? IT COULD ALL GO WRONG.

I couldn’t imagine my life now without our smiley baby boy. Just another reminder from the universe that you get exactly what you need. A friend of mine and I recently had a discussion about this. She just found out her second and last child is a boy. Her first is a boy as well. She told me “I had to mourn the loss of the daughter I am never going to have.” How real, raw and truthful is that? She will not love this second baby any less and she will continue to be the amazing, loving mom she is but I think we need normalize pregnancy feelings being both positive and negative.

You are allowed to feel grateful for your pregnancy and also wish things were different about it too.

We are under a lot of pressure as women. We are expected to look great, bounce back in a timely manner, keep up the home and our careers while raising humans. Social media has us believing everything is eucalyptus garland and muted rainbow designs. It’s not.

So if you haven’t heard it today, I just wanted to say – you are allowed to be a human and feel any way you need to. It doesn’t make you any less of a person or a mom.

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