My Last MRI of 2019

I can’t believe I am nearing my last MRI of the year.

I am so happy this year is almost behind me and I am going into the new year hopeful. Mostly hopeful that my regular 3 month MRI and doctor visits will be deduced to every 6 months. I was thinking about how far I’ve come with my comfort level with doctors in the past year. I know none of us are fans of the doctors but I really wouldn’t go unless I was in pain, VERY sick, or in my case, had a tumor the size of a kiwi in my chest wall that needed to be addressed.

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I’ll never ever forget my first MRI. At that time, we knew there was a mass on my chest wall and we knew it didn’t look good. I remember the x-ray technician looking me square in the eye at my PCP’s office saying “are you sure you weren’t injured in this area?” Almost looking for a quick explanation for what that mass could have been.

I was in my hospital gown facing the wall, holding back tears thinking “this has to be nothing, just a quick fix, this can’t be my new reality.” In all actuality I heard my PCP mention an MRI and I was hoping I could skip it all together. I was hoping the x-ray would tell us everything we needed to know.

It’s funny how we think when we are in panic mode.

After the x-ray came back to confirm there was definitely a mass there, it was more prevalent than ever that I needed an MRI. My first MRI. Being claustrophobic and not having anything seriously wrong with me health wise in my life, the thought of getting an MRI done was daunting. Still, the day came and I went.

I remember my nerves, how when I was first put into the tube I wanted to so badly to sit up and say “No, I can’t do this!” but neither was an option. I remember reciting my affirmations just to get my mind in the right place and running through every single happy thought I ever had just to pass the time. I got through it, like I’m learning I always do on hard days, a little stronger on the other side.

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Now here I am, gearing up for my 4th MRI of the year and I honestly feel like a pro. My husband will still join me in the room because everything is always better with support, but this time, I won’t be a nervous wreck. I know what to expect and am almost “comfortable” in an MRI machine these days. My new normal finally feels like just a normal and I’m ok with that, for now.

So wish me luck tomorrow as I take my final 2019 scan and hope to hear good news in the coming weeks with my doctor. I am so looking forward to 2020, no matter what it may bring!

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