I wasn’t super nervous for my follow up appointment … until the night before. The whole time leading up to this visit at Dana Farber I was calm, cool and collected. The MRI really freaked me out the most but the results, at that time, weren’t bothersome to me.
Then, the night before the appointment arrived and all the nerves that seemed to be hiding previously just came shoving their way to the forefront like a force.
I had worked on this. I had pictured my Dr.’s upbeat face when he came into the room to tell us my tumor had shrunk. I had manifested the elated, emotional feelings I would feel the day I was told my efforts were working. I pictured the look on my husband and parents faces when they also heard the good news. But, the night before, it was like none of that mattered and I feared the worst. I didn’t sleep well and I was a bit grumpy as I always am when I am nervous, but Friday rolled around anyway and before I knew it I was en route with my family to Boston.
This is all fairly new to me, having to get regular MRI’s and go to Dr’s visits frequently, so it really didn’t even occur to me that when they give you the MRI disc, they also give you the results laid out in layman’s terms. We were driving up to Boston and I said out loud in the car ” oh, there is a paper in this envelope too, I wonder if my results are in here!” ..to which my dad replied “how long have you had that?!” (oops, I had the results in my possession since Wednesday night). Well, the envelope did IN FACT have my results and in the car I was able to read the sweetest words out loud.
Slightly smaller than last scan.
I’m going to go ahead and say that again.
SLIGHTLY SMALLER THAN LAST SCAN.
SLIGHTLY SMALLER THAN LAST SCAN!!!!
I immediately burst into tears. All the efforts I had made, made a difference. None of the negative, scared thoughts I had to defeat and kill with kindness won. My lifestyle change, my herbal supplements, my learning of how to properly nourish my body to get it ready to heal itself WORKED. All the times I had to unlearn all that I knew for 29 years were worth it. There were so many, AMAZING emotions I just wanted to shout it from the roof top.
I am SO happy that what I have been doing thus far has been effective. I know it will continue to be and I am going to shrink the Desmoid until it is no longer existing. I have a long road ahead and I know I will continue to learn and grow while my body heals itself but I am so excited to see what is next for me.
I am so grateful for the lessons my tumor has taught me, I am so grateful for this wake up call I received, I am so grateful for the opportunity to reverse it and I am SO grateful for those 4 small words:
SLIGHTLY. SMALLER. THAN. LAST. SCAN.