Hate is Too Great a Burden to Bear

A while back I made the decision to not hate my Desmoid Tumor.

How could I be practicing positive, healing energy and only feel negative energy toward the thing I was trying to heal? Sure, there are days where I am frustrated with it, days where I wish I could just take it off my body for 5 min for a break or one whole night so I can sleep comfortably but I make the conscious effort everyday to not feel hate for it.

I’ve decided my tumor isn’t working against me but instead, is working for me. It is something my body has produced (mine is sporadic and not genetic) for some reason and it’s for me to learn the lesson. I truly believe mine was caused by an intense, stressful time in my life. I had even landed myself in the ER with a panic attack at one point and around this time I noticed my Desmoid flourishing. I know that since my body produced my Desmoid, my body can make it disappear as well. This time in my life is going to be a huge period of growth and one day, when it is all crystal clear, i’ll be grateful.

I begin and end each day talking to my tumor. I know I sound absolutely crazy but I’m manifesting its disappearance and what you put out into the universe you get right back. I place my hand on the Desmoid site and in the morning I remind it it is painless and how little I can feel it throughout my day. Then, I thank it for the lesson and the path that it has catapulted me on. At the end of the day, right before I am about to sleep, with my hand on the Desmoid site, I thank it for going away, for healing. I also speak my gratitude for it and for the lessons it has taught me. I am in no way, shape or form fighting with my tumor, it is working with me, just as hard, to disappear.

I guess it’s like any other relationship in life that you know isn’t ideal but also there is a purpose for. My tumor is just a clingy relationship I wish to get rid of and at the right time I will be free of it.

Do you have any rituals that you’ve found are helpful to keep yourself mentally strong and sharp while you go through your journey? Please let me know!


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